The Week 8 Picks

For the football fan and the fantasy junkie (both of which, I am), you can’t beat NFL.com’s live scoreboard. It updates automatically with every play and live statistics. Sometimes, the web tells me what play is about to happen in the game I’m watching. Yes, I love NFL.com.

Well, at least I did until last weekend.

Imagine my jubilation at seeing this on my screen with :33 to go in the Eagles/Buccaneers game:

"TOUCHDOWN! D. McNabb to B. Westbrook for 52 Yards."

Sweet! Not only did the Eagles rally from 17 down to take the lead, but Westbrook is my fantasy go-to guy. All is well in Ant-Land.

And then, after a kickoff return, a few plays, and a couple of Bucs timeouts, the following note flashes up:

"M. Bryant 62-Yard Field Goal is GOOD!"

Wait, what did that say? No way. There’s no way. NO EFFIN’ WAY! YOU"VE GOT TO BE EFFIN’ KIDDING ME!!! GET THE EFF OUTTA HERE!!!

Sure enough, the final score read Tampa Bay 23, Philadelphia 21.

I hate NFL.com.

I also hate Ronde Barber, and I’d personally like to thank NBC for showing a replay of that little bastard’s TD return in the 2002 NFC Championship game, which almost landed me on a therapist’s couch.

I hate NBC (except, of course, for the Notre Dame broadcasts).

I also turned down a Ron Mexico-Hines Ward for Tom Brady-Reggie Williams trade, thinking Pittsburgh at Atlanta was not a strong match-up for Mex or Ward. Plus, Jacksonville was in Houston, so I was counting on big things from Williams. What happens? Mexico throws it all over the lot, chucks 4 touchdowns, and Ward goes for 180 yards and three TD’s in a 41-38 shootout. Meanwhile, Williams had zero catches, one end around for 8 yards and a grand total of 0.8 fantasy points.

I hate fantasy football, so much so that I pulled a Bob Clarke and temporarily resigned due to lost interest, handing control of "Bonzi’s Pecans" to an interim GM, who hopefully will have better luck than I have had.

Since I’m on a roll, I hate the Dallas Cowboys. I mean, I love that they are in disarray, but I wish they’d stick with that statue of Drew Bled-slow at quarterback, since TOFU favors Tony Romo. I really hate TOFU.

And I really like the Carolina Panthers this week.

Week 7 featured a statistical anomaly, as my record against the spread (7-5-1) was actually better than my straight up score (5-8). Further proof that nothing really went right last week. 100 games into the 2006-07 season, the records are about where you’d expect them to be (63-37 straight up, 53-41-6 by the books). 156 picks to go, starting now.

Sunday, October 29th, 2006

The Match-up: Jacksonville (+7.0) @ Philadelphia
The Skinny: There are no moral victories in the NFL. Nobody is going to hand the 4-3 Eagles a playoff spot because their three losses are by a combined 11 points and all three came on the last play of the game. They’re going to have to earn their way in, starting right now.
Straight Up: Philadelphia
Against the Spread: Philadelphia

The Match-up: Atlanta (+3.5) @ Cincinnati
The Skinny: Chad Johnson wants to be known as "Ocho Cinco," and he guaranteed two TD’s against DeAngelo Hall this week. You know what? I believe him. No way Mexico throws it around like he did last week.
Straight Up: Cincinnati
Against the Spread: Cincinnati

The Match-up: Arizona (+4.5) @ Green Bay
The Skinny: I knew I would second-guess myself after sticking with Arizona in Oakland last week. That choke-job against the Bears is still with them.
Straight Up: Green Bay
Against the Spread: Green Bay

The Match-up: Houston (+3.0) @ Tennessee
The Skinny: Houston-native Vince Young shows his home-town team what they could have had. Well, that or the Texans actually show up like they did against the Jags last week.
Straight Up: Tennessee
Against the Spread: Tennessee

The Match-up: Seattle (+6.0) @ Kansas City
The Skinny: It takes a lot for me to actually bet on Damon Huard. The combination of Seneca Wallace and Maurice Morris leading Seattle’s offense does the trick.
Straight Up: Kansas City
Against the Spread: Kansas City

The Match-up: Baltimore (+2.0) @ New Orleans
The Skinny: On the recommendation of my new interim GM, I traded for Joe Horn this week. By default, I have to pick the Saints (which I was going to do anyway).
Straight Up: New Orleans
Against the Spread: New Orleans

The Match-up: Tampa Bay (+9.0) @ New York Giants
The Skinny: After their 1-2 start, the Giants have rallied to three straight wins, making me look smart, since I called it. I’m riding this wave until the Giants play the Eagles again. And Tiki, please take Ronde with you when you ride off into the sunset in January.
Straight Up: New York Giants
Against the Spread: New York Giants

The Match-up: San Francisco (+16.0) @ Chicago
The Skinny: I’m not ready to crown the Bears yet, but at 6-0, they are what we thought they were – a pretty good football team. They will feel the loss of Mike Brown, however.
Straight Up: Chicago
Against the Spread: San Francisco

The Match-up: St. Louis (+10.0) @ San Diego
The Skinny: Why are people so up in arms about the fact that Shawne Merriman will play until his suspension appeal is heard? Do the words "innocent until proven guilty" mean anything? The Merriman situation could pose a slight distraction this week, so I’d look for Bulger and the Rams to hang around.
Straight Up: San Diego
Against the Spread: St. Louis

The Match-up: New York Jets (+2.0) @ Cleveland
The Skinny: OK, I know I picked the Browns as my sleeper this year, but the Jets have played pretty well of late. I’m not sure how Cleveland is favored, but they are. Not by me, though.
Straight Up: New York Jets
Against the Spread: New York Jets

The Match-up: Indianapolis (+3.0) @ Denver
The Skinny: Remember the last time the Colts were an underdog? Me neither. Perhaps the better question is, which quarterback is more reliable in a big game? Neither. That said, I like Denver's defense and the home field advantage of Mile High.
Straight Up: Denver
Against the Spread: Denver

The Match-up: Pittsburgh (-9.0) @ Oakland
The Skinny: Why is Bill Cowher in such a rush to get Ben Roethlisberger back on the field this week against the Raiders? Big Ben picked up his second Lindros since June, and he has struggled in returning from previous injuries. Charlie Batch is 3-0 as a starter in Pittsburgh, and should get the call.
Straight Up: Pittsburgh
Against the Spread: Oakland

The Match-up: Dallas (+5.5) @ Carolina
The Skinny: Tony Romo, meet Julius Peppers. TOFU, meet Carolina’s Steve Smith, the best receiver in the NFL. What kind of odds do you think I can get on Bill Parcells being the first coach to quit or be fired at the end of this season?
Straight Up: Carolina
Against the Spread: Carolina

Monday, October 30th, 2006

The Match-up: New England (-2.0) @ Minnesota
The Skinny: Impressive as the Vikings looked in Seattle last week, it’s still Belichick and Brady on Monday night, and the Patriots continue to fly below the radar.
Straight Up: New England
Against the Spread: New England

Bye Week: Buffalo, Detroit, Miami, Washington