The Week 3 Picks

Please forgive me if I seem a little irritable.

You see, as my sports teams go, I go. And right now, nothing seems to be working for me. Yes, the Fightin’ Phils are making a push for their first playoff appearance since 1993. Sure, Flyers training camp is open and they looked poised to return to contender status after a one year blip off the NHL’s radar.

I shouldn’t be focused on the Phillies and Flyers at this time of year, but that’s what happens when my college football team scores like A.C. Green, and when I watch my pro football team stumble out of the gate like a three-legged horse. I’m about as angry as O.J. busting commando-style into a hotel room looking for some stolen memorabilia. And now I’ll be dropping F-bombs like Samuel L. Jackson and Denis Leary, so if foul language offends you, feel free to skip ahead to the picks…

Let’s start with Notre Dame and their offensive ineptitude. I know they’re rebuilding (sorry, Charlie, that’s the word), but this is ridiculous. The Michigan game was a fucking embarrassment. It’s like there wasn’t even an offensive line on the field. Two of the first five snaps went over Jimmy Clausen’s head. They can’t run block (as evidenced by their 120th-ranked rushing offense, worst in the NCAA), nor can they pass block (Irish quarterbacks have been sacked 23 times in three games, also an NCAA worst). On one play, the Wolverines rushed only their four down linemen AND ALL FOUR TACKLED CLAUSEN AT THE SAME TIME!!! What the fuck is that about? How does that even happen? You’d think the five O-linemen might at least get a piece of somebody. The defense may be the strength of the team, and they are on the field for 45 fucking minutes a game because the offense can’t sustain drives. Charlie Weis says they’re going back to the drawing board and starting over, but in the immortal words of S. Phil Hunter, "you can’t make chicken salad out of chicken shit." Take a look at the schedule and see who’s on the horizon – Michigan State (who always gives us fits), Purdue (ditto), UCLA, Boston Fucking College (that’s their official name, by the way), and USC. To be honest, I’m not sure I feel good about Stanford and the service academies, either. Can we beat Duke? Are we really looking at 1-11? I think I need a barf bag.

Remember last year when Donovan McNabb tore his ACL and the Eagles rallied around Brian Westbrook and a renewed commitment to the running game? Well, neither do they. Why the hell are they still throwing the ball 75 percent of the time when you’ve got Westbrook averaging better than five yards per carry? Is Marty Mornhinweg still calling the plays, or is he locked in an equipment trunk somewhere? Reggie Brown and Kevin Curtis are dropping the ball like it’s a fucking hand grenade without a pin. The only guy that catches the ball consistently is Hank Baskett, and he’s basically been relegated to special teams because Andy Reid’s got a boner for Jason Avant. During Monday night’s debacle against Washington, I actually - you may want to sit for this – wished they could get T.O. back. Is it really a coincidence that the one time they made it to the Super Bowl they actually had a legitimate number one receiver?

Look, there’s not a bigger McNabb fan on the planet than me. I’ve been his biggest supporter during his entire tenure in Philly, and he’s been unfairly criticized a lot. Never has a superstar quarterback been asked to do so much with so little. But he shouldn’t be the focal point of the offense, especially if he’s only operating at 80% efficiency right now as he recovers from his ACL surgery. They’ve got to do a better job of running the ball, committing to it 25-30 times a game between Westbrook, Correll Buckhalter, and even Tony Hunt if the other two are spent.

And if McNabb is accurate in his assessment that they need to close the deal sooner than later (and I agree, by the way), they’d better do something about the play-calling and the pu-pu platter of receivers before they have to blow the whole thing up and start over.

Serenity now…serenity now.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

The Match-up: Indianapolis (-6.0) @ Houston
The Skinny: At full strength, I think the Texans could give the Colts a game. No, seriously. But they’ll be without the most under-the-radar WR in the league, Andre Johnson, who’s got a bum knee.
Straight Up: Indianapolis
Against the Spread: Indianapolis

The Match-up: Buffalo (+16.5) @ New England
The Skinny: I’m not sure if Sunday’s game told me more about the Patriots or the Chargers. Either way, I’m convinced that the Pats are the best team in the league right now. I guess Randy Moss feels like playing this year.
Straight Up: New England
Against the Spread: Buffalo

The Match-up: Miami (+3.0) @ New York Jets
The Skinny: My buddy Keith calls this the "Squish the Fish" game. But Dolphins aren’t fish, they’re mammals. Either way, I think they’ll get squished.
Straight Up: New York Jets
Against the Spread: New York Jets

The Match-up: Detroit (+6.0) @ Philadelphia
The Skinny: Yes, the Eagles are 0-2. They were also 0-2 in 2003, then won 12 of their next 13 and finished the year as the top seed in the NFC. So while I may be concerned, I’m not pushing the panic button…yet.
Straight Up: Philadelphia
Against the Spread: Philadelphia

The Match-up: San Francisco (+9.0) @ Pittsburgh
The Skinny: Yes, the Steelers have looked great this season, albeit against inferior opponents Cleveland and Buffalo. It’s not like the 49ers are the ’72 Dolphins, but they should provide a better assessment as to how good the Steelers really are.
Straight Up: Pittsburgh
Against the Spread: Pittsburgh

The Match-up: St. Louis (+3.5) @ Tampa Bay
The Skinny: While neither has offense has lit the world on fire so far, at least the Rams have the potential to explode. Sooner or later, Steven Jackson is going to bust out. Not sure the same can be said of "Cadillac" Williams.
Straight Up: St. Louis
Against the Spread: St. Louis

The Match-up: San Diego (-5.0) @ Green Bay
The Skinny: Dating back to last season, the Packers are on an eight game winning streak. But the Chargers need a rebound after Sunday’s abysmal performance in Foxboro.
Straight Up: San Diego
Against the Spread: Green Bay

The Match-up: Arizona (+8.0) @ Baltimore
The Skinny: New Cardinals head coach should be plenty familiar with the Ravens having spent some time with their division-rival Steelers. This game could come down to the field goal kickers, and Neil Rackers and Matt Stover can both boot them.
Straight Up: Baltimore
Against the Spread: Arizona

The Match-up: Minnesota (+3.0) @ Kansas City
The Skinny: The Vikings are making me look pretty smart for tabbing them as my sleeper team for this year.
Straight Up: Minnesota
Against the Spread: Minnesota

The Match-up: Cleveland (+3.0) @ Oakland
The Skinny: Wait, those were really the Cleveland Browns racking up 51 points last week? They may not score 51 points over the next four weeks.
Straight Up: Oakland
Against the Spread: Oakland

The Match-up: Cincinnati (+3.5) @ Seattle
The Skinny: Maybe the Bengals defense isn’t new and improved. I’m sure a lot of people picked them up on waivers for their fantasy teams and got burned.
Straight Up: Seattle
Against the Spread: Seattle

The Match-up: Jacksonville (+3.0) @ Denver
The Skinny: The Broncos have to be the most unimpressive 2-0 team in the league. They needed a last second field goal to beat Buffalo, and overtime to knock off Oakland. At home against a Jacksonville team that can’t seem to find its offense, they’re probably looking at another squeaker.
Straight Up: Denver
Against the Spread: Denver

The Match-up: Carolina (-3.5) @ Atlanta
The Skinny: I figure if I keep picking them to win, maybe they’ll lose (since they’ve already screwed me twice this season).
Straight Up: Carolina
Against the Spread: Carolina

The Match-up: New York Giants (+3.5) @ Washington
The Skinny: I thought the MNF guys made a good point the other night – all of Washington’s starters in the secondary are former first-round picks. So glad the Eagles decided to chuck it 46 times against them. Serenity now…serenity now.
Straight Up: Washington
Against the Spread: Washington

The Match-up: Dallas (+3.0) @ Chicago
The Skinny: If I’m Lovie Smith, I’m getting Devin Hester on the field in every possible situation. I say he breaks one against the stinkin’ Cowboys.
Straight Up: Chicago
Against the Spread: Chicago

Monday, September 24, 2007

The Match-up: Tennessee (+4.0) @ New Orleans
The Skinny: So were the Saints an anomaly last year, or are they truly better than they’ve been this year? They were outstanding in front of their home crowd in 2006. I’m banking on them feeding off that again.
Straight Up: New Orleans
Against the Spread: New Orleans
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Week 2: 9-7 straight up; 6-9-1 against the spread
Season: 21-11; 13-16-3